please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
