dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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