Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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