Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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