I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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