Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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