Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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