I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
