doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
