their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
