I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
