One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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