we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
