his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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