I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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