sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
