I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Michael Bay diarrhea
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
