): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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