I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
