DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize