if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
