My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
another moral hangover. fuck.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
