i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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