just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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