i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
