y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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