Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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