do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
