I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
