we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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