I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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