Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
