Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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