I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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