At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just pynch a tree in the face
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
