Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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