i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
