You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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