Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
