I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
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You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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