If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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