All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I didn't notice because vodka
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
