Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My penis needs a shock collar
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
