I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
