I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
