You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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