Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
