I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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