Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
