whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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