is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
