GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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