Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
