you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
two words: eviction party
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
