i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
