So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize