So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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