The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
