You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
