just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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