i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
