ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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