Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
