so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
