the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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