My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
