It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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