You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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