What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
