Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This baby is an asshole
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
