Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
