i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Come on in and take your pants off
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