More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
