When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
