im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize