Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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