Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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