He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
