OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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