I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
