I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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