i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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