Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
